Who needs sleep? Well, you're never going to get it. Who needs sleep? Tell me what's that for?

Today is a dragging ass day.

I haven't slept more than a few hours for the last two weeks. I'm really feeling for Heath Ledger at this point. I can see how easy a lack of sleep and schedule could drive you bonkers.

So I tried staying awake all day and not taking afternoon naps with the baby, and well then I'd fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 4 am and then be tired and dragging all day. I have no energy. I can't get anything done. It's been weeks like this. I feel really really depressed. I know part of this is that I'm anemic. So tonight I'm buying an iron supplement. I'm also buying a short term sleep aid. I don't like taking pills because I have a bad liver, but I'm desperate. I have exams coming up in the next few weeks and I need to bring my A game.

I feel like shit. Like my life is just spiraling downward and I can't make it stop. I need to sleep. I need it more than most people I think. I turn in to a crazy "Britney Spears" baffoon when I don't get sleep. Wandering around my house speaking in a british accent and considering shaving my head. Okay, not really, but still. Lack of sleep definitely brings out my bad side.

My mom asked me today "What kind of person lays in a dark room and doesn't fall asleep?".......ME! I can be so tired I can't stand and I swear to God as soon as my head hits that pillow something happens to my body that doesn't let me fall asleep. I just lay in bed tossing and turning and being annoyed by every sound, or light, or car driving by, or the hum of the baby moniter, or Dan's snoring, or the temperature of the room, or the cat laying on me, or my grocery list, or my bills, or whatever.....

Well, I'm smart enough to see that it's time I get serious about this. I'm going to try a few things on my own, but if I don't get a good nights sleep in the next few days, I'm going to see a doctor. I'm too organized and efficient of a person to live my life in a tiresome haze.

This is the most incoherent crazy blog ever. Enjoy!

I'm a loser baby!

Today was whatever!

I lost 3 lbs at my weigh in. Which would be nice if I wasn't bouncing up and down in weight and really had a legitimate loss that was below anything I've weighed before in the course of WW (Did you get that??). So that's 43 pounds lost and 29 to go. Why are you plaguing me you last 30 pounds!!!! Go away!!!! Get off my body!! You make me look disgusting.

I really am tired of being fat. I want to be thin enough that I never hear anybody refer to me as a "big girl" or "thick" or any such term that refers to my weight being more than it should. I want stupid asses, like Sarah's boyfriend, to have to think of something more creative to make fun of me for than my gut or my fat ass. They'll have to start making fun of me being a fucking bitch or being crazy instead, which I take as compliments. I want to look good in my clothes and not feel like I'm forcing my fat ass into a pair of jeans. I don't want to worry about if the shirt I have on makes me look pregnant. I'm sure no matter what I'll never be happy with my body. But I'd at least like to reach my goal weight and know that my body is at least okay. And I hope my boobs don't look weird. Or my stomach. I hope the boobs don't end up saggy and ugly and that my stomach gets smaller and doesn't just end up looking like a mud flap. We shall see.....if my lazy ass ever gets to that point. I might. I just might. I've been insulted by enough people this week to light a small fire under my ass. Hopefully that will give me the drive I need to succeed.

Here's a lovely picture my husband took of me at Christmas. One of those ones that makes you say...."Dear god I'm a hot nasty mess". This can be one of my "BEFORE" pics.


And if I ever make it back to a normal weight, maybe something like this could by my "AFTER" pic.


Alright, enough about feminine body issues. Have a great day! And feel good about yourself. I'm a negative creep!!!

You got a run in your panty hose, even your daddy knows, that you sucking down chocolate like Daddy-O's.

Today is the greatest day I've ever known.

I've been depressed lately. I'm not sad or anything. I have just felt drained and I haven't had any energy. I've had racing thoughts. I'm having trouble sleeping. Nothing too serious. I just really need to get on a schedule. School and friends and late night nothingness is messing up my sleep schedule. Plus, I'm anemic and I probably need to get back on an iron supplement.

I'm freaking out a little bit about school. I quit my job Friday because I don't feel like trying to juggle school, taking care of the baby and managing my home. Like I said before, I know lots of people that are perfectly capable of doing all that at once. I don't want to though. Especially not this semester. Accounting is not an easy major. It's not brain science or anything, but it is a lot of work. It's not for dumb people. It's not something everyone can do. I have two huge exams at the end of my degree. My CPA exam and my CMA exam. I'm worried about both. I'll be taking them in the next year or so. I should probably buy study manuals now so that I feel ready to take them. Knowing me though, I'll probably wait till the last minute and be freaking out because I don't feel ready.

Leonardo is getting so big. I can't believe his ass isn't walking yet though. He can climb all of our steps, he can get up on top of all the furniture, he can stand by himself.....but yeah, he can't walk. LOL!!! I'm not all that worried about it. I just get annoyed because people ask about it all the time. I know for a fact uninformed people believe that walking is a sign of intelligence. I've read several articles and books on the matter. The age a baby walks has nothing at all, not one thing, to do with how intelligent they are. The age a baby walks is determined by what age babies in their family start walking. It is also determined by the physical build of the child. Babies with thick short legs will walk before babies with skinny long legs. Also, some babies are just more daring than others. They are more willing to risk falling than others. Some babies won't walk until they feel completely safe doing so. They also say that babies who are coached too much by their parents to do things will sometimes refuse just because they are stubborn. I'm sure Leonardo is a mix of all of that. The general age that babies are expected to walk is 16 months. If he's still not walking at that point the doctors will make sure he isn't avoiding it because of emotional issues, but even then it's not something of concern for them. They just want to make sure he's healthy.

I can't wait to get my new iPod and accessories. I've been working diligently on my music collection. I've been ripping CD's and writing down songs that come to mind to download. I downloaded some audio books for the long trip to school. One of them being "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows". I want to read it so all the Harry Potter nerds don't ruin the movie for me this time around, you assholes! I figured out how to convert movies into MPEG-4's so that they can be put on my iPod and I don't have to pay for iTunes videos. If I put half this energy into my school work I'd be a fucking genius. LOL!!!

I've been thinking that I really want to keep my blog entries on here forever. I wonder how long before the blogger is deleted or something. I wonder how long before the internet is obsolete. Surely something bigger and better is on it's way. That's the way it works. I wonder if they'll send everyone an email telling us if they're planning to delete the blogger. Who knows? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Well, I can't think of much else to say so here's the "Secret of the Week" from Postsecret.com. I picked this one because it made me laugh out loud. Also, I thought it was a good way of dealing with my mother when she starts going off on me acting like a know it all. LOL!!!


That's all for today. Sorry today's blog was a rant. I just kept typing because I had nothing better to do at 3:00 am.

Nothing

Today is a day of nothing.

I weighed in yesterday and gained 2 pounds. I'm tired of this bouncing up and down deal. It's a waste of my time and money. I need to buckle down and be serious. I'm surprised I didn't lose though. I was so stressed out and busy all week that I barely ate anything.

The first week of class is over. This semester is going to be so hard. The hardest in my college career. I know that for a fact. For one thing I'm taking Corporate Accounting which is the hardest class of my major. Students often end up switching majors after they take it because they can't hack it. I'm also taking Intro to Accounting Sytems, College Writing and Operations Management. So I have quite the work load ahead for me this semester. I don't think I'll be able to work at all this semester. I'm sure some people could, but I know it will be too hard for me. I hope I do well.

I bought an iPod Nano a few days ago. I really like it. It plays music videos, movies and tv shows. And they look great. I bought an 8GB one so I have lots of room. It holds all my music from my computer and all my 70 billion cd's. And there's still room to spare. I also put all my pictures on it from my computer. I have 2002 of them. And they barely took up space.

Anyways, long story but I bought it at Walmart. I wanted a red or pink one but they said they didn't make them. I looked around on the Apple website and they do have a special edition red one that is only sold on the website. It was the same price as the one I bought, it had free shipping, and also included free engraving. So I ordered one with my name on it and I'm going to take the one I bought back to Walmart. Screw them. I want a red one with my name on it. Since all the songs, pics and videos are kept on a program on my computer it won't be a big deal at all to switch them out. I also wasn't impressed with the off brand FM transmitter that I bought to play the iPod in my car. So I'm returning that too and I already ordered an Iroad off ebay. I read a lot of reviews of FM transmitters and it appears that none of them work that great. But an Iroad is supposed to work way better than any other ones. I ordered a few covers on ebay too. They were way cheaper than in the store. For instance I bought a pink silicone cover for $1 on ebay. It's brand new and that $1 price tag includes shipping and everything. They were selling the exact same one at Walmart for $10. I also bought a couple hard plastic covers for $5 a piece. I can't wait to get all my stuff. Mail time is so fun when I've been shopping on Ebay.


I guess that's all for today. Enjoy!

Always Drama! Always!

Today hasn't really started yet.

I haven't slept well for days because of being sick. So last night was the first long sleep I've had in ages. I find that the more I sleep the more groggy I am all day though. Oh well. I still love sleeping. I really do. Nothing makes me happier than curling up for my afternoon nap or wrestling around in a warm bed for half the day because I'm too lazy to get up. Now I have to do it on the baby's schedule, which doesn't usually work out in my favor.

School starts tomorrow. I have class Monday through Thursday evening. One of my accounting professors this semester sent me an email saying that her class would be the hardest for accounting majors and that it was a lot of work. That's great! KSU's bursar's office hasn't issued the refund checks yet for my books. So I'm pissed about that. I don't know how other people shell out $500 for books, but I surely can't. So now I'll be getting them at the last minute and I probably won't even be able to buy some of them online like I usually do.

I guess since this is the most boring blog ever I'll skip to the "Secret of the Week" from Postsecret.com. I picked this one because I always think about stuff like that. For instance, if I look off of a really high balcony I wonder if I spit out my gum and it hit somebody would they be hurt. Or sometimes I see a bus going slow and I wonder if it would still kill you if it hit you at that pace. I'm not suicidal. I just think about shit too much. And weird shit at that.


Nothing more to bore you with today, so bye!

Weigh In

Today was weigh in.

I lost 2.6, giving me a total of 41.4 pounds lost. Only 31 pounds to go.

I want to rock and roll all night. And party everyday.

Today is a quiet day around the house.

I went to my hubby's holiday work party. They are some late ass people I guess. Anyways, it was a blast. I love hanging out with the guys from Dan's work and their wives. Everybody is so nice and fun loving. I can get drunk and act like an ass and feel like I'm around friends. I don't feel that way around a lot of people.

Speaking of getting drunk and acting like an ass.....I always think I act like a retard when I'm drunk. I always wait for my friends or Dan to tell me the next day about something rediculous I did when I was drunk. Nobody really does. They all just keep getting drunk with me. I think I need to be put on a leash and they just keep buying me drinks. What the hell you guys?? LOL! I guess maybe I should quit being so hard on myself. Everybody is a drunken ass. I think I'm fun to be around. I'm entertaining. Like last night Dan told me he loves the way I act when I'm drunk. He said it turns him on to see me all outgoing and working the crowd. I get all the ladies dancing. I tell jokes to all the guys. He said he thinks he's making people jealous that they can't have me. LOL!!! Sounds like something a hubby would say. But it was really nice to hear. I always worry that I was too "out there" at parties. But hell, I'm like that anyways so what difference does it make.

I AM ME, that's all I can be. If you don't like it you walk it out. And you ain't hood if you don't know what I'm talking about. LOL!!!(*Random rap song lyrics)

Now for my secret of the week from Postsecret.com. Or well the 'secrets' of the week. It was a good week this week. Lots of juicy secrets. So I had to pick two. The first I picked because it was crazy. I'm sure glad my husband didn't send this one in. LOL!!


And I picked this one because it was nasty and all I could think was that I'm never shaking a person's hand again for the rest of my life. Yuck!


Well, that's all. I don't have very many readers anymore I don't think. Misty and Nikki are like the only ones who ever comment. So this one's for you girl's!!!! My faithful readers. And all you others out there who are possibly just reading and not commenting.....Comment fool! I like to know I'm actually writing these blogs for someone.

Hi ho, Hi ho...it's back to WW I go!!!

Today was a new beginning.

I attended my WW meeting and weighed in. I haven't been there for a month. The two months before that I was bouncing up and down and not really doing much anyway. So I took a little vacation.

Anyways, I weighed in at 179.4. That is 6.2 above my very lowest weight in WW yet of 173.2. So believe it or not I was happy. I was expecting so much worse. I mean, yeah that's bad. But really, I've lost that much in a week once or twice before. So it won't be hard to recover.

I was also pleased that I didn't go over 180. Getting below 180 was a really important milestone for me in my weight loss. That meant I was more in my normal range of weight. Before my pregnancy my highest weight was 183. So to get back below 180 meant I would fit in my usual clothes and look a little more like myself.

I still have quite a ways to go now. I'm 38 pounds down and I have 34 pounds to go. Wish me luck. I know I can do it if I keep working hard. I've come a long way already and I'm not going back.

I guess that's all. I blogged because it really helps me hold my self accountable when I have to blog to you guys about how I'm doing in WW. I mean, who wants to tell everyone what a failure they are?? So guys, help hold me to it. Nobody is doing the program with me anymore so I need some motivation. Remind me every week if I haven't announced my weigh in. I would really appreciate that. And anyone wanting to join with me please do. I could use a partner. People who have partners are more successful than those who go it alone. It's a statistic. My meeting day is not set in stone, so I would be flexible to your schedule. Just let me know. :)