Today is a dragging ass day.
I haven't slept more than a few hours for the last two weeks. I'm really feeling for Heath Ledger at this point. I can see how easy a lack of sleep and schedule could drive you bonkers.
So I tried staying awake all day and not taking afternoon naps with the baby, and well then I'd fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 4 am and then be tired and dragging all day. I have no energy. I can't get anything done. It's been weeks like this. I feel really really depressed. I know part of this is that I'm anemic. So tonight I'm buying an iron supplement. I'm also buying a short term sleep aid. I don't like taking pills because I have a bad liver, but I'm desperate. I have exams coming up in the next few weeks and I need to bring my A game.
I feel like shit. Like my life is just spiraling downward and I can't make it stop. I need to sleep. I need it more than most people I think. I turn in to a crazy "Britney Spears" baffoon when I don't get sleep. Wandering around my house speaking in a british accent and considering shaving my head. Okay, not really, but still. Lack of sleep definitely brings out my bad side.
My mom asked me today "What kind of person lays in a dark room and doesn't fall asleep?".......ME! I can be so tired I can't stand and I swear to God as soon as my head hits that pillow something happens to my body that doesn't let me fall asleep. I just lay in bed tossing and turning and being annoyed by every sound, or light, or car driving by, or the hum of the baby moniter, or Dan's snoring, or the temperature of the room, or the cat laying on me, or my grocery list, or my bills, or whatever.....
Well, I'm smart enough to see that it's time I get serious about this. I'm going to try a few things on my own, but if I don't get a good nights sleep in the next few days, I'm going to see a doctor. I'm too organized and efficient of a person to live my life in a tiresome haze.
This is the most incoherent crazy blog ever. Enjoy!
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2 comments:
I used to have problems getting to sleep. Now i fall asleep like, literally, 2 minutes after I lay down.
I started doing what I guess would be considered meditation.
I would lay there, in the bed and place both my hands on stomach. ANd just be completely still until I couldn't feel my hands anymore. I know it sounds wierd. It's hard to explain. I just noticed one day that if I hadn't moved my hands for a while, I couldn't really feel where they were. Almost like...sensory deprivation? It was dark, my eyes were closed, i hadn't moved in an hour.
So eventually, I started going to bed thinking "I wonder if I can do that thing with my hands again!" and then I'd be laying there, waiting for the sensation that I could no longer feel my hands, and before I knew it, I was asleep!
Now I have absolutely no problem falling asleep! I can lay down in the bed, and Tim will be right behind me. He'll go piss first and by the time he's done pissing, I'm asleep! It actually sort of irritates him, because he has a problem falling asleep too! So I think my comment is actually longer than your blog now. Peace out girl scout
That's a good suggestion. For some anyway.
I've had sleep problems my whole life. But when I was a teenager my therapist had me do night time meditations to fall asleep. I had to like clear my head and make myself aware of every part of my body one by one starting from my head and working my way down. It worked very well at the time. But as I've gotten older I can't seem to concentrate on anything anymore.
I had to practice a "thought centering" exercise for a DBT therapy session recently. You were told to focus your mind on one thing and if you're mind wandered, then you had to keep trying to bring it back. I found that to be one of the most impossible things I've been asked to do in my whole life. My mind has just become too cluttered over the years to get myself to relax or focus on anything.
That's why I don't read my text books for school. I can read a whole page word for word and not know what I read because I was thinking of ten other things at the time.
I'll live. This too shall pass. I gave in and bought some Tylenol PM even though I hate taking pills. So maybe that will at least get me on routine. We'll see.
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