Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds.

Today is weird.

I lost 2.6 at weigh in. Bringing me to a new all time low for WW. 46 pounds down, 27 pounds to go. I'm 172.2 now. So that means I could very well slip into the 160's next week if I'm a good girl. I haven't been there in a while so that will be nice. Also, I'm only 4 pounds away from the 50 pound mark which is a special mark for WW. I get a little charm for my 10% keychain that they give you. You don't get those very often. I only have the one they give you for sticking to the program for 16 weeks.

It's nice to get back to all my little celebration rituals. Like I have this bag of beans that I collect for every pound I lose. My original WW leader gave everyone an empty ziploc baggie with a cute label on it. And for every pound you lose you have to put in a bean. Well, because of my bouncy weight I was taking the same 5 or 6 beans in and out of the bag every week. So it really lost it's purpose. Now I can finally add a few new ones.

Also, I have this weight loss thermometer thing. You color in a new line for every pound you lose. Once you reach your goal weight the whole thing will be colored in. This is the first week in months that I've been able to color a new line on it. So that was nice.

I haven't really been following the plan. I just don't snack anymore and I eat much smaller portions. I also have my cupboard stocked with 100 calorie snack packs. My fridge is full of fruit,low fat milk, and bottled water and I have a freezer full of low fat micro meals. I rarely eat out, and when I do I don't order as much as I used to. These new habits are more stress related than legitimate decisions to lose weight I suppose, but whatever works. I followed the WW plan so strictly for the first many months that now I'm like a genius at it. I can tell you how many points a food has without even using a points finder. It's pretty simple really. I still mentally keep track of points in my head to guide my eating decisions during the day. So I still see the plan as something worthwhile to use and the real tool to my weight loss. I'm just not a WW Nazi(as Nikki calls it) anymore. I felt better about it when I was, but it's too hard to live like that all the time. It gets boring and tedious.

Nothing much else has been going on. Me and my husband had an issue over the weekend. We've been on eggshells a bit since, but it's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I know I love him and I know he loves me so we'll always find a way to work things out. He just has issues trusting me, and legitimately so. I should have the same issues with him though, and I really don't. He's been getting upset about my Monday night karaoke at The Village ritual. He always lets me go, but he feels like that's too often for me to go out. He's really just afraid I'm going to cheat on him. I don't know what to do to keep us both happy. Somebody's going to get the short end of the stick one way or the other, and as all you coupled people know, comprimise is easier said than done. Especially when you both think you're right. We'll work it out though. We always do, and maybe he's right. Maybe I should settle into the idea that I'm a mommy now and I should kiss any of the freedom and fun in my life goodbye. I mean, how appropriate is it to be a mother and leave your child at home with daddy while you drink like a fish with your younger single friends at a shithole bar? It's a question I go back and forth on often. Some would say it's fine, others that it's inappropriate. In my whacked out head I manage to fit both ideas in at once.

Which brings up another issue. I think too damn much. Sometimes about the stupidest shit that doesn't even matter. That's why I'm an insomniac. My body is ready to sleep but the wheels in my head don't stop turning. It's rather annoying. I've been trying some Tylenol PM for sleep, but it doesn't really do anything. That and I took some really late last night, like 4 am(guess that's morning to most people), it was my second dose in 6 hours or so, and I swear I did this thing where I was drifting in and out of sleep and hallucinating. I felt like I was awake and dreaming at the same time, and I couldn't move or wake up to make it stop. I was really frightened and the only thing that snapped me out of it was someone sending me a text message at like 7 am. It really freaked me out and now I'm kind of afraid it was because of the medicine and I don't want to take it anymore. I know, I know...it's just Tylenol, but it was still weird.

Well, whoever you are reading this....if you actually made it this far....I'm sorry I just wasted a half hour of your day. LOL!!!