Angry!

Today is already turning into a bad day.

For one thing, Leonardo is sick. He didn't sleep very well, meaning I didn't sleep very well, and he's being ridiculously fussy. That always drives me a little bonkers.

For another thing, I'm feeling super guilty because I'm a dildo and I slipped up and posted a picture on myspace and shouldn't have because I got a friend in some big trouble. I didn't even notice what was in the picture till it was too late. I must have looked at it ten times and didn't see anything. She's not mad. She said she didn't see it either. But I still feel awful.

And one more thing, I have a friend who basically accused me of lying. I proved her wrong and she's ignoring me anyway. I will never understand why people will put so much time and effort into something so that they can just give up on it. I hate fighting, I always want to work things out. I don't even know what she has to be mad about. But maybe that's because she wants to hide everything and be all secretive and unavailable. I might not be the most super friend ever, but at least I'm always there if you want to talk, I always let you know exactly how I feel about everything, and I'm always willing to work things out. I like how it's always the people you think you can trust the most who are the ones who are quickest to let you down and just give up. That always makes me feel foolish for not seeing it coming. So I guess I'll just sit here all angry about this until "someone" decides they are ready to stop ignoring me. Maybe they never will, because that's what I would do if I didn't value somebody's friendship. I would make them sit around all day upset wondering what's wrong with me.

I don't even care anymore, I really don't. I'm going to swear off human beings all together and join one of those monasteries in the far east where you take a life long vow of silence. LMFAO!! Me...silent. That would be impossible. Maybe I'll just go live in a cave and then at least I can talk to the woodline creatures (Misty..LOL!)and I won't have to worry that they're not talking to me because they are mad at me.

Also, I know I gained at least 5 or 6 pounds. I won't know for sure till tomorrow. But I've been off plan every single day this week. I ate Chipotle, El Campesino's, Chinese Food, lots of Halloween candy, I went to 3 parties over the weekend that had good food, I drank liquor two nights in a row and I haven't been following my guidelines. So yeah, I deserve it. I told myself I wasn't going to follow the plan this week because of all the parties. I knew for a fact I wasn't going to have enough will power to do it. Parties always break me. But usually I only have like 1 a month, if that. But 3 in one weekend was too much. I don't think I'll regret the gain, for the simple fact that I knew I was powerless to temptation this week. So even if I tried I would have failed. But don't worry, I'm definitely not jumping off the bandwagon. I feel good about what I've lost so far and I'm not going back. I'm just making the journey a little longer I guess.

I guess that's all. I hate bad days. I have a lot to do today. I need to be productive and instead I just want to curl up in bed and cry till I fall asleep. Too bad Leonardo won't let me do that. I really want to.