Angry!

Today is already turning into a bad day.

For one thing, Leonardo is sick. He didn't sleep very well, meaning I didn't sleep very well, and he's being ridiculously fussy. That always drives me a little bonkers.

For another thing, I'm feeling super guilty because I'm a dildo and I slipped up and posted a picture on myspace and shouldn't have because I got a friend in some big trouble. I didn't even notice what was in the picture till it was too late. I must have looked at it ten times and didn't see anything. She's not mad. She said she didn't see it either. But I still feel awful.

And one more thing, I have a friend who basically accused me of lying. I proved her wrong and she's ignoring me anyway. I will never understand why people will put so much time and effort into something so that they can just give up on it. I hate fighting, I always want to work things out. I don't even know what she has to be mad about. But maybe that's because she wants to hide everything and be all secretive and unavailable. I might not be the most super friend ever, but at least I'm always there if you want to talk, I always let you know exactly how I feel about everything, and I'm always willing to work things out. I like how it's always the people you think you can trust the most who are the ones who are quickest to let you down and just give up. That always makes me feel foolish for not seeing it coming. So I guess I'll just sit here all angry about this until "someone" decides they are ready to stop ignoring me. Maybe they never will, because that's what I would do if I didn't value somebody's friendship. I would make them sit around all day upset wondering what's wrong with me.

I don't even care anymore, I really don't. I'm going to swear off human beings all together and join one of those monasteries in the far east where you take a life long vow of silence. LMFAO!! Me...silent. That would be impossible. Maybe I'll just go live in a cave and then at least I can talk to the woodline creatures (Misty..LOL!)and I won't have to worry that they're not talking to me because they are mad at me.

Also, I know I gained at least 5 or 6 pounds. I won't know for sure till tomorrow. But I've been off plan every single day this week. I ate Chipotle, El Campesino's, Chinese Food, lots of Halloween candy, I went to 3 parties over the weekend that had good food, I drank liquor two nights in a row and I haven't been following my guidelines. So yeah, I deserve it. I told myself I wasn't going to follow the plan this week because of all the parties. I knew for a fact I wasn't going to have enough will power to do it. Parties always break me. But usually I only have like 1 a month, if that. But 3 in one weekend was too much. I don't think I'll regret the gain, for the simple fact that I knew I was powerless to temptation this week. So even if I tried I would have failed. But don't worry, I'm definitely not jumping off the bandwagon. I feel good about what I've lost so far and I'm not going back. I'm just making the journey a little longer I guess.

I guess that's all. I hate bad days. I have a lot to do today. I need to be productive and instead I just want to curl up in bed and cry till I fall asleep. Too bad Leonardo won't let me do that. I really want to.

Party time is finally over.

Today is a calm day. FINALLY!

I am majorly partied out. I'm ready to get my normal boring life back on track. Maybe now I can get back to regularly blogging before I lose all my readers.

I had to register for classes today for next semester. It sucks that I have to transfer to main campus. It will be an hour there and hour back drive.

My sister in law is psychotic. She devoted her myspace to child abuse and posts 700 bulletins a day about a different depressing abuse story. I don't read them. How about you get off the fucking computer, pay attention to your kids, clean your house and get a job. I mean seriously. Nothing against child abuse victims, I am one....but she's so weird. I want to delete her so bad. LOL! I should.

I know it's late but here's the secret of the week from Postsecret. I picked it because it's so stinking mean and just a little bit funny.


Dan and I have been getting along really well. I love him so much. I mean, I get bored sometimes but I can't imagine my life without him. I sometimes think God sent him to me because he knew how bad I needed someone who would be dependable, never give up on me, and is always there. My friend is having some major relationship issues, and what she's going through has really made me put my own issues in perspective. It's made me realize that there's really nothing that could make me leave Dan, no matter what kind of shitty mood I'm in or what's going on.

I want to start going to church again. I'm not a Bible thumper or anything, but I am definitely a spiritual person. I like the idea of setting aside an hour once a week to center my thoughts and be amongst people who share a common belief with me. I don't believe in one religion, or organized worship of God, because I don't believe in everything one religion has to say. I'm also funny about the Bible. It wasn't written by God, and I'm not buying the idea of it was translated by men from him. Whatever. When I think of God I don't think of some guy sitting on a throne in heaven. I don't even necessarily think of a person. I think of light. The closer I bring myself to the light, the more my life is centered and calm. The farther I move away from the light the more chaotic things are. I feel like I have been so blessed in my life. And whether I'm thanking a man on a throne or just karma....I want to make sure I'm setting aside time to do that. I also like the teachings of the Bible. Even though I don't think it's like the holy grail or anything. There are some good lessons to be learned and not because the book says so. It's because you feel good in your heart when you do those things. I try my best to not get caught up in all the wordy mumbo jumbo, I just try to love my neighbor, not kill, not steal, not be jealous, not hold hate in my heart......all that stuff. Think what you will of that.

I guess that's all for today. Don't stop reading folks. I enjoy your opinions on my opinions.

Holla back youngin...Woot Woot!

Today was the day after the party of the year!

Last night was Sarah's annual Halloween Bash. It was the bomb!!! Seriously. I had a really great time. I drank a lot, I ate a lot, I made an ass out of myself a lot. LOL! Yes, my costume was corny, but I didn't care because I was drunk. You can see pics from the party on my myspace. I wish we would have gotten more. The few I have don't at all capture the chaos, drama and super fun of the party. So many people came I couldn't even keep track of it.

You know what else.....when I'm drunk I always have some weird catch phrase or motion that I do like 70 billion times a night. I can think of like ten of them right off hand. Like when I had the glow in the dark dildo necklace at my birthday bash I walked around all night trying to put it in stripper's butts and yelling loudly "Bobby Light, Bobby Light. Bobby Light gonna do you right". LOL! What the hell? And then last night I ran around all night yelling "Holla Back Youngin'!" and making people reply back to me "Woot Woot!". Another time it was doing my best impression of Dave Chappelle's "Little Jon". I doubt more than ten people ever know what I'm even talking about and the ones who do just don't know why I'm doing it. LOL! Oh well, I find it entertaining. And what's the point of being entertaining if you don't entertain yourself.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to another party tonight so I'll let you know how that goes too.

It's been a while

Today was a stomach aching day!

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. Things have been busy around here. I've been in a tailspin.

Fuck Red Bull....I need to never drink that shit again....EVER!

I lost .4 at my weigh in Wednesday for WW. Yeah, I was pretty disappointed. I definitely thought I'd lose more. I ate really well for most of the days. Although, every day I learn a new food that I ate that I wasn't supposed to eat. Like chicken noodle soup...even though it's not creamy! Or I ate Fiber One cereal. I thought I was allowed any non-sweetened whole grain cereal. So, I need to fine tune my plan approach. I did like Core though. I never felt hungry and I really wasn't eating that much.

I am so excited for Sarah's party. What I'm not excited for, despite my greatest hopes, is wearing my cheesy ass costume. At first I was really excited about it. Now after trying it on ten times I've come to realize it is not the least bit what I was hoping for. I was trying to look sexy. Instead I look like I'm casted in the onstage production of "Oklahoma". I better brush up on my show tunes. I mean, yeah it's pretty and flattering and what not, but all my friends' costumes are super sexy and mine is like Little House on the Prairie meets Hello Kitty or some pink shit. I don't know. I shouldn't have paid so much to look like an extra in Dixieland. For real. DAMN! I'm mad at Dan, Sarah and Erin for all seeing me in that shit before I bought it and not telling me that I looked like I belonged at a kid's birthday party. Good looking out guys! Hope you enjoy the rounds of laughter that will follow each time I walk into a room. Har-dee-har-harr mother fuckers! (I'm so funny...it kills me, I'm sitting here literally dying at my own ridiculousness. LMFAO!)

All right...well yall have a goodnight and come back now ya hear! (*spoken in a cheesy southern accent that will go great with my cheesy effin costume*)

I need re-energized!

Today was a tired day.

I feel partied out. This has been crazy busy month. Birthday after birthday, party after party. I've been drinking more than I ever have or would have under any normal circumstance. Its draining me physically and emotionally. But as with any other extremely enjoyable thing, it's hard to say no when you get the chance to do it again. I love being with my friends. I love entertaining everyone with my drunken antics. I love letting loose a little bit.

I have a big exam tomorrow. I've studied a few hours today and that's it. I will study more tonight and tomorrow. Hopefully that's enough.

Now for the secret of the week from Postsecret.

I chose this one because it's funny. Sounds like a passive aggressive type of thing I would do. LOL!

Guess that's all for tonight. Have a good week all!

( @ ) ( @ )

Today was rather uneventful.

I am finding the Core plan incredibly easy. The weird thing is I was struggling to stay under 24 points on the Flex plan, but for the last two days I haven't eaten more than 15 pts. WEIRD! It's like I'm full all the time. It says that you're eating all high density foods on the plan and that they fill you up faster and for longer. That could be why also. All I know is I feel good about this. Its coming really easy to me. At least for now. I'm really crossing my fingers that I'll lose that 5.

My dumb ass has been smoking for about the last week. Only a couple a day. I still feel like a filthy hypocrite. My nerves have really been getting to me lately and cigarettes seem to help. I'm smart enough to know that its short lived. That little high I get will go away once I really start smoking. It's only there when you are a fresh smoker. Or at least in my case. I know how easy it is to quit though, maybe that's why I haven't cared that much about it. Erin told me today though, that the second hand smoke in your clothes can hurt your children. I hadn't realized that. For that reason alone I'll knock it off.

Well, that's all for now. I've got some fun parties and crap this weekend. So I should have some good stories coming up for yall.

All them hos lose they mind when they see me coming!

Today was stupid!

I was down 2.6 at weigh in. Which means I lost what I gained 2 weeks ago. Exactly. That's a travesty! It took me 2 weeks to lose what it took a week to put on. How is that fair? LOL! Oh well. I'd like to lose 5 pounds this week. That's a rather large goal, I know. I want to be in the 160's for Sarah's party. It will give me just a little more wiggle room in my whore costume. In all the weeks I've been on WW, I've only lost 5 lbs on two occasions. Hopefully this will be my third. :)

I switched to the Core plan this week. It seems like it will be easy. I've heard a lot of members say that they lost a bunch their first few weeks on it. The only things I've noticed so far that I can't eat regularly is bread, and that won't be so bad. I loved it that I didn't have to measure my dressing, cheese, or chicken tonight. I didn't have to count my points. I still get 35 points a week to eat non approved foods. I'm going to have to save those points for this weekend. I'm going to my first Halloween party of the month.

I also want to start doing crunches every night. My stomach is gross. In my opinion its the worst and most noticeable imperfection on my body. So I bought little stickers at the dollar store and I printed a calendar sheet off my computer. I'm going to start doing crunches every night before bed. I'm not sure how many yet, we'll see. After I do them, I get to put a sticker on my calendar. On top of that, it will count towards activity points for the day as well.

Well, I think that's all. Good bye!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN! I LOVE YOU!

Today is Erin's birthday.

That's really super...which makes me feel really awful that I'm about to write one of those "I hate myself sometimes" kind of blogs. Sorry Erin.

So yeah....I hate how attention seeking I am. My very existence feels as though it is dependant upon who likes me, for what, why, where and how. I'm not beautiful unless someone tells me so. I'm not thin unless other people tell me. I'm not smart unless I get a good grade. I'm not anything unless someone else feels that way about me. Do I exist....or am I a product of everyone else's ideals about me?

I hate what a weirdo I am sometimes. How emotional I am. How I get so upset over retarded stuff that doesn't matter.

I hate how I push people who care about me away. I push them just to see if they'll break. Push them to see if they'll give up on me the way so many other people have. I take my pain out on the people who I know will deal with it and still love me the next day.

I hate how I degrade myself. I hate how I'll do anything to please other people. I'll do anything to be accepted.

This blog is absolute nonsense. Partially because I've been drinking. I'll probably read it tomorrow and be mortified that I even wrote this crap and delete it immediately and pray not too many people read it. I guess this is why I'm in therapy. Because I don't make a fucking lick of sense. Not even a little.

Don't get me wrong. 99.9% of the time I love my life. I have a wonderful husband, a perfect child, caring family and friends, my health, and so much more to be thankful for. Which really and truly makes me feel worse for even feeling sorry for myself for even 2 seconds.

So whatever...I'll stop ranting right now.

I want candy!

Today was a sick day.

I spent a lot of time today resting up because I wasn't feeling well. I was up most of the night pissed off at my inconsiderate husband who decided that instead of just golfing like he said he was doing, he was going to drink till midnight and not even tell me. ASS!!!

I have a lot to get done tonight. I can't be on here too long. So without further ado here's the secret of the week from Postsecret I actually picked 2 of them this week because I had trouble deciding.

I liked this one because of course masturbation is fun.


And I picked this one because it made me laugh. I'm going to do this with my sister sometime. It would be a lot of fun. Although, we've fought in public before, we just weren't faking it. LOL!

Alright. That's all for today.

I nearly lost you there!

Today was a weary day.

The baby and I have had the same cold for about 2 weeks now. I finally took him to the doctor the other day because he had been sick for longer than 10 days. After sitting in a nasty smelling waiting room for over an hour, the doctor said it was just a cold and give it another week. ARGHHHH!!!! At least he's okay though.

However, due to this cold, I was up all night coughing up phlegm. So I didn't sleep well and I'm pretty tired today. I'll be glad when its gone.

I have a lot of school work to get caught up on. I have a project that I'm supposed to have worked on every week so far of school and I haven't done it at all. I have two exams to study for. I need to buckle down tonight and tomorrow and get some shit done.

I'm sort of in a slump right now. I'm having trouble catching up on everything I need to do. Not just school but also my housework, my priorities. This happens to me from time to time. I guess with the party and with all the odd things I've had to get done in the last few weeks I've just been busy and run down. I'm sure it has a lot to do with me being sick too.

I'm going to try doing the Core Plan next week for WW. Most of you won't know what that means. There's two plans on WW. One where you count points and can eat anything. The other one you don't count points and you eat as much as you want, but it's from a specific list of high density foods like lean meats, whole grain pasta, fruits, veggies, fat free dairy, healthy oils....and stuff like that. Mostly it's cutting out sugars and refined starches. Sort of like the Atkins diet, but with much more flexibility. I need a change of pace. I figure that will break the monotony of counting points for a bit. I'm at a mental plateau but I refuse to succumb to it. I'm proud of how far I've come and I'd never go back. I've heard a lot of people say they lose a ton of weight when they are on the Core plan. I don't think it will be so bad. I will just have to be cautious. I need the learning experience. That's what I thrived off of in the beginning, the overall learning process. I was obsessed with learning all that I could and following the plan to a T. I need to get back into that groove.

I'm excited to get all dolled up for Halloween. I hope a lot of my girls who were invited come to the party. I know Erin is. I'm hoping Heather will be there again. And Amanda and Sarah. I thoroughly enjoy entertaining them. I hope they think I'm as funny as I'm trying to be. LOL!

I went to Misty's baby shower today. She is so cute. I feel bad that I didn't buy her very much. I didn't really think it was entirely appropriate. Like I'd make her feel obligated to me or something. I should have just done it though. I felt like a cheap ass when I watched her open up presents from her other friends that were an upwards of $100. NO JOKE! I know she's a sweetheart and that she will be very grateful regardless. Maybe I'll get her a gift to take to the hospital or to her when she gets home, so I have an excuse to meet Sophia. :)
Here's some pics from the shower:



Well, that's all for today. I didn't want you guys to think I quit. I've just been bogged down.

Ooh eee ooh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang!

Today was an expensive day.

Sarah and I went Halloween costume shopping. We both ended the excursion with equally outlandish costumes. We also both got the same pair of super cute shoes to go with our costumes. I don't want to go into detail. It's a surprise. I've already told too many people. I'm really excited to dress up. We're going to be cute. I hope everyone gets in the Halloween spirit and shows up to party hard with me. You know why....cause I'm the party starter you might have a good time but I party harder. Nice, right?? Big willy style!

Leonardo stood up on his own for the first time yesterday. It was so cute. My baby is growing so fast. I actually caught it on camera, now that I have one attached to me at all times. Here's the pic:

He is so cute. He's growing like a weed. Some mornings I walk into his room and wonder who stole my baby. Like seriously, where the hell did he go? There's a full grown man in his crib!!! People tell you it goes so fast, but until it's your own child, you have no idea. It's just like when people try to explain the love between a parent and their child. There are no words to explain. It's the deepest, most real feeling you've ever had in your life. You may love your family, your significant other, whatever....but it's nothing like the love you feel for your child. It's spectacular. That is, until the mother fucker is stealing twenties out of my purse for drugs and telling me he hates me as he slams his bedroom door in my face. Then I might reconsider my fanciful idea. LOL!!! No I wouldn't. I would love him just the same. Just trying to be funny.

The weather is so strange. One day it's hot as hell and the next its practically snowing. I had to go buy the baby a bunch of warmer clothes. He doesn't have a lot. He needed a winter coat, pants and long sleeved shirts. I blew a wad on that today. I was trying to hold out for his birthday. I swore I wasn't buying any toys or clothes until then. But we bought him an over priced tonka truck that you can ride and walk behind yesterday and of course all the clothes I bought today. Oh well, it's not like we still won't be able to use all that stuff. I wish his birthday and Christmas were spread a little farther apart. I'm sure people will get sick of buying him a gift in November and then have to turn right back around and buy him another one a month later. I never even thought of it till now. How it must suck to have your birthday in December. Or even worse, on Christmas! Wouldn't that be awful? LOL!

I lost .2 at weigh in today. I was disappointed because I was hoping to lose what I gained last week. I'm going to work super hard these next two weeks. I'd like to be in the 160's by Sarah's party. That's only 7 pounds away. It's a big goal, but I think I could do it. I just have to go back to my WW roots. Back to the days when I was a crazy maniac about it. I mean, yeah I lose, even when I don't do it perfectly, but I'm sure I'd do better if I just buckled down. Erin, we need each other now. Lets get this shit done biatch!!! LOL!

Well, I think that's all. This was one of my weery, emotional, talkative blogs....or well more than usual anyway.

If you didn't know....now you know.

Here's Bobby Light. It's from show called Rob and Big. I love that show. It's so funny!

Good times!

Yesterday was a blast!

I went out with Erin, Sarah C., Heather, Sarah F. and Amanda. We went to a male review in Cuyahoga Falls and hit up some bars after.

The male review was interesting to say the least. I don't know about everyone else, but I had a good ass time. The beer goggles I had on were making me think those guys were pretty sexy. I have to comment, though, that this particular show wasn't like any others I've been too. These guys were a lot more aggressive and physical. The other ones I've been to were mostly stage shows and the lap dances were very restricted. Not so at this one. One of the strippers I really liked looked like Howard K. Stern. Another looked like Harry Potter. It was hilarious to watch all my girls getting lap dances and seeing the expressions on their faces.

After the show, we went bar hopping. We stopped at a little karaoke bar and I belted out a tune for everyone. Then we went to the Interbelt, which is a gay bar. We wanted to find somewhere we could dance and that's just where we ended up. If it weren't for my friends I probably would have gotten kicked out by security because I wouldn't leave the guard alone. LOL! Just innocent attention seeking, and I was a little bit slunk. I remember doing lots of ridiculous things like swinging a glowstick penis around all night saying "Bobby Light, Bobby Light. Bobby Light gonna do you right!"

Erin got me a bunch of cool stuff to wear. She got me a cool glittery crown that said "Birthday Bitch"(how perfect). She got me some chapstick, and some funny shot glasses. My favorite is one that says "Drink Skank Drink". Fucking hilarious! She made me all kinds of drinks to come home to. She made batches of jello shots for the road. She kept giving me ones to stick down guys greasy thongs. She really made the night that much more special.

Heather helped me get drunker by buying me about 5 rounds. That made my evening that much more drunker and fun. LOL!

Thanks to Sarah for bringing extra alcohol. Thank you Amanda for driving. Thank you Sarah for the awesome photo opps and for making your first night out as a mother with me.

Thanks to all my girls for coming and showing me a good time.

All the Red Bull I drank was like liquid crack. I barely slept a wink last night. I was up at 6 am this morning and I'm still up at 2:12pm when I should be napping with the baby. I'm just glad I didn't get sick.

Now I have Sarah's super fun Halloween party to look forward to as my next night out. It should be a good time as well.

Well, that's all. If you want to see pics, check out my myspace. I'm not even going to bother posting them on here.

Believe me when I say that I've got something for his punk ass!

Today was a regular day.

I guess I'll start off with "The Secret of the Week" from Postsecret

I like this one because it's scandalous. Very scandalous. LOL!

So, tomorrow night is the big night. The line up has changed a bit, but now at least we will all be able to comfortable fit into a mini van. It will be Me, Erin, Sarah C., Amanda, Laura, Heather and Sarah F. It should be a good time. I'm really looking forward to it.

Tanae and her son Shae came over and hung out with me yesterday. She wanted to take a pregnancy test because she was a week late. I had a split second of thinking I might have been too a few weeks ago. So for fun I took one with her. We're big dorks like that. Big not pregnant dorks. Then we loaded up the kids for a trip to the Goodwill. We were going to get some girl outfits to dress the boys in and take pictures of them. Luckily for them, the store was closed. Too bad. That would have been so fucking funny. LOL! Here's some pics I took of the kids and Tanae. Shae is so adorable. I just love him and his little chunkin cheeks.




I finished two of my shirt projects last night. One was a shirt for Dan's fantasy football team the "Albanian Stallions". The other was a shirt for Erin's birthday. The one for Dan turned out okay. The one for Erin was another story. I just don't think the image translated into a stencil as well as I wanted it to. Then, on top of that, my dumb ass forgot to put something in the middle of the shirt and the paint bled through to the back. I'm going to fix it with black paint, but I'm sure it looks ghetto. I'm really ticked about it too. That stencil took me forever to carve out. I didn't look at the time or anything, but I'm sure it was the hardest one I've done so far. I'm sure I could make it look good when I do it again, which I plan to. Erin can wear the botched one to bed or something. Here's some pics of my handy work.

The front of Dan's new shirt:


The back of Dan's new shirt:


Here's the image I wanted on Erin's shirt. For obvious reasons I simplified it:


Here's how it turned out:


Here's the yucky back mess I have to cover with black paint:


Oh well, I'll try it again. I know I'll do better next time. Or at least I won't forget to put something in the middle. I might try to just do the image more true to form. It was hard though, because once I blew the picture up to be big enough for the shirt, it looked really digitalized and became a hard pattern to carve out. The only way for that not to happen would be to make a smaller stencil. I might do that. We'll see.

Well, that's all for now. I have a butt load of homework to do for tomorrow. I gotta go.

Dogs are stupid!

Today was a fun day.

I went shopping with Dan to spend my birthday money. I got a new digital camera and a cute pair of earrings. I really love the camera. I've wanted a new one forever. They started making them so small. You can easily fit them in your purse, or hell I could even fit the shit un-noticeably in my bra. No joke. The one I had before is huge. It didn't fit anywhere besides maybe in the diaper bag. The new one has 7.1 Mega pixels compared to the old one that only has 2. The new one has its own rechargeable battery, while the old one uses AA batteries. Both have 3x zoom.I love the preview screen on the new one. It's so much bigger. It also had digital video with sound. Plus, lots of other crap I haven't learned about yet. The sad part is that I'm pretty sure we paid over $200 years ago for that old camera. That was when digital cameras were fairly new. I only paid a fraction of that for the new one. I really got a deal on it. Here's some photo comparisons.

Old honkin camera next to a deck of cards.....


New compact camera next to a deck of cards.....


Old ugly honker.....


New shiny greatness....


Old teeny tiny display screen....


New huge display screen....


I've been thinking about what I want to store the camera in. I went a few different places and didn't find anything I liked. I don't want a big case like they sell at the store, because I plan to keep the camera in my purse. I was hoping Nikki and I could maybe dream something up for her to knit for a nominal fee. A cute form fitting sock like cover. I'd like it if it had beads or something on it. I've seen where people knit beads into stuff. I don't know if that's really knitting or not and if it's even feasible. Really a plain old slip cover would do me just fine.

The earrings are cute too. They are cubic zirconia. Which is a fancy word for fucking FAKE! But they are 14kt gold. Not because I care to spend more, but because my ears will fall off if I don't. Instead of plain old studs like I usually get. I got little stars. I think they are cute. Dan and I don't get to buy nice things for ourselves too often cuz we's po folks. So it was nice to spend a little money.

I did a little costume shopping for Sarah's Halloween party today. I found a costume I really love. I'm just worried it might be too sleazy. Dan and the sales lady were all about it. To be honest, so was I. I just don't want to be the only person going all out for the party. That would just be stupid.

Well, that's all for tonight.

The day is done, but I'm having fun. I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy. Think I'm just happy.

Today was my birthday.

I got plenty of well-wishes from family and friends. I got 50 bucks from Dan's grandma. I got a shirt from my mom. I got a candle from my grandma. Dan half heartedly washed and cleaned my car(which he only did as to not hear me bitch). I went to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. I love it there. Then Dan and I went and bought him an Xbox 360 with all the trimmings for a whopping total of $500 bucks. What a nice birthday gift for me, LOL!(I bet I'll never even play it once in my lifetime. Seriously.)

I'm really excited to celebrate my birthday on Monday with all my girls. I wonder how many times I've said that now.

I felt bad all day for being such a big brat. I know Dan loves me and I know my friends love me. I guess I always feel like I put more effort into things than other people do. I can't hate on people for that though. I expect things to be so great, it's no wonder I'm let down so often. I don't know. I'm always a downer on my birthday and holidays. I must have seasonal affective disorder or something.

I've been sick all day. I've had a really bad sore throat and that cramp in my neck got worse. I did take some super strong ibuprofen first thing this morning and that helped through most of the day. That could have added to the blues I had today.

I'm pretty sure I've lost the majority of my readers. But then this could be like a nice diary. I'll start getting really personal and start talking about my vaginal itching from a yeast infection. Or how my armpits sometimes smell like Fritos. As soon as I do that, people will start reading again. LMFAO! I crack myself up. Fo real!

Well, goodnight all. I need some get-well sleep. I can't believe I'm almost 30. I'm an old fogey. Damn!

Oh yeah...I forgot.

Today was weigh in for WW. I had a gain of 2.8 which was almost what I lost last week (2.6). That wasn't the first gain I've ever had and I'm certain it won't be the last. In perspective though, I think it was pretty good.
Culprits:

the fact that I got piss ass drunk two nights in one week without counting points,

I ate what I can only estimate to be an entire 9x9 "piece" of birthday cake in the span of 4 days,

I ate 3 ice cream sundaes with all the fixings,

I went 3(yes 3!)times this week to Speedway and got myself a cheddar bratwurst and a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos before class,

I ate like a pig at the birthday party,

I didn't count points,

I didn't follow my guidelines.

So I certainly deserved the gain. But a gain only pushes me harder to want to be perfect the next week. It will be hard since it's my birthday week. But I know I've come to far to let it go down the drain. I once gained 6 lbs in a week. That was the only other gain I've had. Thank god this one wasn't that bad. I would have cried.

Don't forget to read below, I forgot to put this into my post of the day.

We fly high, no lie, and you know this.

Today was a Wednesday.

I went about my normal routine. Woke up with the baby around 9. Fed him. Piddled around the house and on the computer. Laid back down for a nap with the baby around 11. Then I woke up with him. Fed him his lunch. I did my homework. Then I went to class. I am deeply comforted by the monotony of my day and being with my son.

I've had the worst cramp in my neck all day. It's made my back and my head hurt right along with it. I hate it when I get those.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I asked Dan for one single thing and I'm betting money that I'm not getting it. I asked him to detail my car. And I mean detail. Dusting, wiping, windows, scrubbing upholstery, outer wash, vacuuming...the whole shebang. That wouldn't have even cost money. I don't think I'm getting it though. No matter how upset I get every holiday, it doesn't seem to change his lack of concern for what the day is.

I haven't gotten anything for like the last 5 holidays. Then I get to watch Heather and Stacey and Sarah and all my other attached girlfriends get these great, thoughtful and often extravagant gifts for their special days. I must say it turns me a little green. I hate it that he's not very thoughtful. Then, just like a non-thoughtful person would do...he made some attempt at trying to throw me a party. Only he doesn't take into consideration how busy everyone is and he was only asking his family and friends to come(YAY!), and he started planning it today. So I know that's not going down, nor do I particularly want it to. I know he's just doing it to "return the favor" not because he's really considering what I would want. He always says he doesn't have money. But you best believe, I pay attention to the crap he's blowing his money on in the month or so preceding my birthday or whatever and he could have put back an extra 20 somewhere along the line. According to my therapist, it's not his fault he's so naive and unthoughtful. He's a man. Only, as I stated before, nobody else seems to have this problem, so WHATEVER.

I don't mean to sound like a negative rude bitch. I mean, I am....I just don't think I'm being too unreasonable to want someone to at least spend 10 minutes thinking of me and what they want to do for me for my birthday or Valentine's Day, or even Christmas. We've had some holidays where we just didn't have the money, but I've found ways to do things for him anyway. Even if it was coupons for sexual favors, a nice meal and a bubble bath, or even a subscription to a magazine he'd been hunting down for months. I don't feel like my ideas were that time consuming or even particularly creative. They were to make him feel special and thought of. I definitely have the core values of a poor person, in that I appreciate everything that is given to me and done for me and I always think of the thought someone put into something before I even begin to consider what they paid for it. I guess it's just too much for me to ask for someone to think and act like I do. So I'll shut up now and try not to ruin a day that hasn't even happened yet.

I'm excited that all my girls are going out with me for what I am betting is going to be one of the best nights of my life. I mean, it could go either way when you have me piss ass drunk, but I'm betting for the good half. And really, lets be honest, if the night does go haywire and something really shitty does happen, it will still be incredibly entertaining and end up being a time nobody forgets. Me and Sarah used to say that we could have fun together, even if we were locked in a dark closet(that sounds gay! LOL!). Maybe it was Carmen...I don't know. What I'm getting at is I know I'll have all my good friends there so no matter what it will be a good time. Holla, Holla!

Well, peace out! Time for me to accomplish something besides major retinal damage, severe back pain, and carpal tunnel syndrome.

I'm blue ba da ba dee da boo da boo da boo dee da boo da boo da boo dee da boo da.

Today was an ordinary day.

The baby is feeling better. He only shit his usual once a day. He was in a particularly sweet mood too. I just love him. I'm looking forward to spending the whole weekend with him, instead of 9 hours a day at K fart.

I'm going to start looking for a waitressing job. It's nearing the holiday season, so I figure I'll have a good chance of finding one. My friend Tanae says their hiring at her job. She works at Red Lobster. I hope working around food isn't going to be an issue for me.

I got my Coach bag today. It was just as described and I love it. It almost seems like it was made for me. It has perfect compartments for my stuff and in just the places I would want them. Like two front pockets, one for my keys and one for my celly. The inside is just the right size to fit my wallet and calendar and there's a little zippered section for my lipstick and chewing gum. Plus, I'm planning on buying a new digital camera that is thinner and it should fit perfectly in another little slot that's on the inside of the bag. Don't you love it when you find a purse like that? One that fits your stuff so well. I know all you ladies have had that "perfect purse" feeling a time or two in your life.

I got in a fight with Stacey. Nothing new there. I don't think she'll be going on Monday. But I sort of planned it that way because I really want Heather to go and have a good time, and because of the drama between them, I don't think she would. I'm sick of fighting with her and I'm sick of not being able to trust someone that I'm calling my friend. I don't want to say it's a forever fight, because I've said that a hundred times. Lord knows, we'll probably make up tomorrow and she'll be going again. Who knows. I do like her, it's just that things haven't really been the same with us in a long time. I don't know if it's worth my energy anymore.

Well, I better get going. My hubby wants to watch a movie with me and he's threatening to start without me. We're watching "Stranger Than Fiction" with Will Farrel. He's usually good for a laugh or two. I'm not expecting much though.

My new ticker

I found this cool ticker. I'm going to use it to track my loss on here. Just another visual motivator to add to my collection.

Hey you...get off of my block!

Today was a tiresome day.

I didn't sleep well last night because Leonardo kept waking up sick. He had a fever and diarrhea. I thought I was going to have to take him to the doctor. The nurse thought it might be a virus, it still might be, but they decided to give it another day and see if it clears up a little. I have one of two guesses of what's wrong with him. One is that it's a digestive reaction to me feeding him corn the other day. The doctor says you can't give babies corn until they are 1, because it's really hard for them to digest and it's high in acid. He said it's even hard for adults to digest. Another guess, is that he caught something from all these damned kids that were at my house for the party. There was like 30 of them. My mom said she saw a lot of the littler ones touching his mouth and face. So who knows. I just hope he feels better.

I had an exam. I hope I did good. I'm not sure though. I know I made a couple stupid mistakes. I was really tired all day because of the baby. I tried to study and I was too tired to really wrap my head around the material. If I would have had to take him to the doctor today, I probably would have asked the teacher if I could take it another time or something. I think I at least got a B though.

I'm getting really excited for my Birthday Night Out/Post-Bachelorette Party. So far this is who's going, in no particular order:
1. Sarah
2. Tanae
3. Erin
4. Stacey
5. Amanda

I've gotten some people who are nearly positive they are going but I will have to wait and see if I get a definitive answer and those are Heather, Sarah F, and Laura. Some of my friends are bringing friends also. So we should be having quite the party. I can't believe I got so many of my good friends rounded up for one night. I didn't even get all of them to go to my wedding reception. I guess I should have hired some male dancers for it. I might have had better luck that way. LOL!

I think I'm going to have a bad weigh in. I know I always say that, but I'm sure of it this time. I've eaten birthday cake every day since Saturday. I haven't been on point at all this week. I was so stressed about the party that I gave myself a free pass to eat how I like. I now wish I wouldn't have. It would be nice to go out for my birthday a few pounds slimmer, instead of the opposite. Oh well, eat and learn. I will stay on point tomorrow and Wednesday and hope I make a recovery. Then I will be angelic everyday until the 8th so I can drink like a fool and not count points. I did follow my healthy guidelines though, and I swear those are my saving grace. I don't think I would have lost so much if I hadn't been drinking water, eating fruits/veggies, getting my dairy, and taking a multivitamin everyday.

Well, I better hit the sack. The baby might not sleep well again tonight and I'll really be screwed if I don't get a few good hours in bed.